I travelled to test my wheelchair, and it looks like it will be a great fit. On the 29th, I will take the final test, and on the 5th, I will bring the wheelchair home. The problem is that the battery is dead. A very nice lady talked to me and my mother for a long time, but a volunteer rudely interrupted her, saying that she couldn't talk to the patients.

I printed a picture and the old lady from the church who helps me a lot offered to pay for the frame, along with a few other people. Among them was a physiotherapist, who offered to give me physiotherapy once a week, for free.

My early mornings have been lonely. I didn't care about it before, but it has been bothering me. I want to live, but it's too late, I wasted my time on games and pornography. My ex sent me a message and we talked for two nights.

While talking to my ex, a girl appeared who wanted to have a toxic relationship with me. We slept on the phone for three nights and on the third night I made her masturbate, which reduced my insecurity about my voice. I'm telling you this to illustrate that when I'm in a depressive episode, I distance myself from God and lose myself in carnal pleasures, virtually. Listening to her breathing while she slept took away my loneliness. It's an illusion, but it helped. I'm not going to fall into the trap of “I Can Fix Her” when I'm not even fixed myself. She's 20 years old, and I talked to her a few days before sleeping on the phone.

Worst of all is liking being toxic, letting my possessiveness act without restraining it. Well, I wasn't referring to romantic loneliness, but these things took away my loneliness. I hope that with the wheelchair I can get out more.