Last night I travelled to do the test of my wheelchair and everything indicates that the adaptation will be great. On the 29th I will do another test and on the 5th I will pick up the wheelchair, the problem is that the battery is dead. There I found a very nice lady who talked to me and a volunteer, after I went in to take the test, was bothering the lady saying, very rudely, that she could not talk to the patients. She hinted that only volunteers could talk to people there.

Another lady from the church who helps me a lot and offered to make the frame for the picture I made in glue, in fact it was her and some other people who paid to make the frame for the picture. One of these people is a physiotherapist and she offered to give me physiotherapy once a week free.

My nights have been very lonely, I didn't mind it before, but lately it has been bothering me. Come to have more desire to live outside, but I think it's late now, I'm almost 30 and in the time I had autonomy I spent with games and pornography. My ex - I hope she doesn't come to see if there are any new posts here - wrote and ended up helping me for two nights.

While talking to my ex a girl came up asking me to have a toxic relationship, she slept with me three nights in a row and on that last one... and on that last one I made her masturbate with my voice, I confess, that made the insecurity with my voice decrease. When I am in these depressive episodes, I always get away from God and end up losing myself in the pleasures of the flesh virtually. Listening to her breathing helped to pass the loneliness, I found it funny because it's not really company, but it helped. This night we didn't sleep together and I don't think we will sleep anymore, after all, it makes no sense to pay attention to someone who complains that I don't pay attention and when I try, doesn't even make an effort to give an opening to prolong the conversation and just keeps playing all day. I'm not falling for the 'I Can Fix Her' meme if even I'm not fully fixed. She's 20, in case you were wondering, and by the way, I chatted to her days before I went to sleep on a call.

And worst of all, I like that I can be toxic if the person says or implies it, that I can let my possessiveness out without controlling it. Well, I didn't mean a loneliness of love, but these things have taken away my loneliness. I hope with the wheelchair I can get out more, better still, get out alone and that will solve my loneliness.