My mum had the aptitude test for the firefighter competition to retake this month, the people who took the case to court won and they'll be taking the test again. My mum hadn't trained for a long time and she overdid it again. As a result, she inflamed her sciatic nerve to the point where she couldn't stand for more than five minutes. Apart from overtraining, I know it's more about looking after myself. My sister is having to do everything with me and she's also in pain because of it, so nursing needs to come back soon.

On the 26th I have an appointment to see about the risks of the stomach tube surgery, I'll have an anaesthetist and everything, I may already be in hospital and that's why I'm thinking of posting this month's note earlier. I'm anxious about this, my sleep schedule has been disrupted and I'm sleeping late, in fact I haven't felt like sleeping. Fucking depression, fear of what my life could become in the next few days. The pain, the healing... what about my shower? Is everything going to change? Silly fear of dying, I know it's just a silly fear, but I can't help it. This month's note will be very small.

My father is coming here from his city to look after me so that my mum can rest. My sister's 15th birthday is coming up and she asked me for the letter she asked me to write, I thought she wasn't even remembering it. I've had the letter for a long time and I've also edited a video for her birthday that my mum asked for.