Just today I noticed that the guestbook wasn't working and as I rarely looked I left some people unanswered and that bothered me a bit, I don't like it when people don't respond and I project that feeling onto others. I hope they weren't offended. Do I need to take this guestbook down or do I need to see what is wrong, it was supposed to be free.

The psychologist was supposed to see me this week, but I didn't get an answer, or I don't know if my family missed any messages from her, but I have so many problems to sort out after years of burying everything that I'm sure she won't want to see me for free for a long time.

I've been feeling bad for a few days now. I've been avoiding talking to my mother for some time now, only when necessary, and this has led to fights; I stopped talking to her because everything I say she interprets as an accusation or a complaint, and the last time, after I stopped talking, she said I only know how to boss and I'm ungrateful for that. I just say what I need, I don't know where she got it from that I just send it, does she want please and thank you for everything? Is my gratitude not already obvious? How do I explain to her that I'm mentally ill and that these fights only affect me more, without increasing her guilt complex? My mother beats herself up for useless things, so she keeps making things up about herself that I never thought of. For example, I want to spend time with my dad to give my mom a break and she thinks it's because I hate her.

I don't like to talk about women too much so it doesn't sound like my problems boil down to that, but come on. I got into an online relationship with another girl and the problem with that? Well, the problem is feeling deserving of nothing good in relationships, I feel like I'm deluding her, as I told my friend, I'm not actually deluding because I really like her, but I feel that way because I know that what I say to her I can't give to her. I have been falling so much into lust that I don't even feel worthy of God and that doesn't help at all, when I switch off the computer the reality comes to the fore. My friend said the reality is I have an online girlfriend and she likes me a lot and I should be happy for that, and I am happy but it always ends up with me having to walk away and I let them both down in the process.

The footrest of my wheelchair is horrible, I have three months to make some missing adaptation, a month has passed and no one has arranged to fix it, I see the three months pass and the support stays that way. And they still haven't taken my wheelchair to put the new battery in. What title to put on this post? I don't know.