Yesterday, the 20th - I'm writing this at 1am on the 22nd - some of the things I need for my day-to-day life arrived, such as medicines, supplements, things for hygiene and so on. This is in addition to the home care order, so things are really moving quickly. Despite my woes, I feel very blessed and that's why I think I'm ungrateful for feeling so neutral. It's very strange to feel grateful, but not to feel encouraged or happy about the good things that are happening to me.

They want to pierce my stomach and put a tube in so that I can eat properly. There are many benefits, because at some point I'll get so bad that I won't be able to eat and the tube can no longer be inserted. They've told me so much that I've been convinced, but I'm really afraid of it.

I think my depression has got worse, I'm distancing myself from some people I didn't want to, and I realise that, but I don't feel like it. I've been feeling like a bad person and I deserve to be alone, I don't like the idea that I could end up being a burden even though I'm never negative and always see the positive side and have a conversation about it. Thinking about it, maybe I'm distancing myself from this person because I told them about my condition and not because of depression. This always happens...