I am a scoundrel, and my depravity increases with time. No matter how much I distract myself, I end up thinking about chasing women or drinking until I lose consciousness. Damn mundane life without leaving the bed. The women I talk to, even without meaning to, end up feeling romantic or sexual tension. If I don't make a move, they do it for me. I feel like a scoundrel for hiding that I'm crippled, I need to stop chatting or contacting the opposite sex and stop being chronically online.

The women I had the courage to send photos to didn't dislike my appearance, but I can't accept myself. When I look in the mirror, I feel disgust. My genetic flaw should die with me. I deserve to be alone forever. Why curse someone else with this torment? I don't deserve a woman, marriage, or children. This illusion is shattered by thoughts of unworthiness, this shitty inferiority complex. There is no other way to live but in isolation and loneliness.