12th April. I have lived another year and once again I have done nothing with my life. I usually feel melancholy on this day, but this time I don't. I don't know if I'm better for it or if my apathy is so strong that I don't even feel my daily feelings anymore. I've spent over twenty years without a goal, even now I don't know if I have a real goal, before I wanted to be a writer I wrote a ridiculous novella - it's on Amazon but I'll never reveal it - and then I started writing how many short stories. I sent a short story to a writer in a group I was in, I was praised, with reservations because it was my first short story, but I was praised. From then on, I stopped writing short stories and started writing poems, and I write them in the wrong way, because I only write when it seems practically complete in my mind, and I should write like crazy to improve my techniques. I even wrote a very simple haikai for today:
It is the twelfth of April.
At the window a bird sings —
I am twenty-seven.
Today I'm thinking about being a catechist, an idea that briefly crossed my mind, and to tell you the truth, I don't know if I'm following this idea because I want to or because so many people are talking about how I would be a good catechist. Well, the fact is that I continue to study in case that moment comes. Another thing, and this is a long way off, would be to study psychology, but there are so many things to do to get there that just thinking about it makes me lazy. I have to finish secondary school and do the ENEM, a long way to go and I don't even know if I have all that time. I don't even know what to write anymore, since I was a pre-teen my birthdays have been melancholic, but this one and the one when I was with the girl I loved the most, and I admit I still love her, are exceptions. I hope the next ones will be the same.
An update from my wheelchair: the price of the adaptation went up, it was 5k. With the money I had, I paid for the adaptation and the orthosis for my hands and still had to use 1k from my own pocket. I still have to buy new batteries. I hope everything goes well in the meantime.