I went to the dentist and found out that they put swings for wheelchair users in the neighbourhood park. I'm going to use them to get some adrenaline, even if it's minimal. I didn't use them today because I needed to urinate and wouldn't do it with a full bladder. I also drank sugarcane juice with lemon.

This made me think about things to do to get an adrenaline rush or use up the excess energy from accumulated testosterone, but I can't think of anything. I've already come to the conclusion that I should use hallucinogens, but I'm sure there are no benefits. I recently discussed using drugs with a friend. The discussion ended with this friend talking about micro doses so as not to become addicted, and I don't agree with this reasoning. In my view, it's an invention of malicious people to create addicts. Boredom does this to people, it's really the devil's workshop. I need something that provides some excitement.

Another thing, after nine months of winning battles against temptation, I lost one of them. On Sunday, a university student came up and we talked for hours - we had an incredible connection - until I made a comment and she started teasing me, I gave in and ended up talking dirty to her. I don't know why women are always interested in me, and it boosts my self-esteem, but it also brings me down, because I know what they like and I can't do those things.

It's always the same cycle: I spend a long time rejecting the advances of many, but someone always comes along and makes me fall. Could anyone understand that I'm blaming women? If you're thinking that, forget it, that's not it. Lust is shit.